It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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