I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
