we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
