i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
