Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
