i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
