I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
