nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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