Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
