she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
