It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
