last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
