No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
