I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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