we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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