i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
