I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
