Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
