look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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