u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
