You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
