Come see our sink grown plant.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
