no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
