Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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