he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
