don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
