This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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