Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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