The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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