just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
