Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
