I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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