i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
