So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
