So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
