I accidentally had phone sex last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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