her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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