My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
