I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
