Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
