I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
