the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
