so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
