I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
