remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You're like the curious george of whores
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
