Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
