Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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