We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
