i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
