she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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