And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
